No place like Gnome

Ah...well...I have some funny friends.

But, the truth is I rescued Corley. His kidnappers probably put some dull plastic kid safe scissors to his throat to make him write his "travel blog". I don't think Corley has even seen a pink flamingo in his entire life. He's not from Switzerland and he doesn't have any family. He's actually from a small factory in China. He was actually quite proud of it--he would get angry if I tried to remove that little golden oval sticker stuck to his bum.

He was meant to be adopted out by some upscale home and garden catalog, but the shipment he was in got knocked out the back of the truck and abandoned on the side of the road. Him and his clone mold buddies starved for weeks until some hairy cheapskate dollar store owning, bum-sniffin'-scratchin', bearded lady came along who thought she could sell these precious gnomes into slavery.

I saw Corley on the shelves of the scheming Honk's $1.05 store (I know! Who sells things for a dollar FIVE! At the time they claimed their $.05 raise on gas prices...lame...). I immediately fell in love. He told me about the bearded lady. At first I was a little grossed out that some bearded lady was all into little beared men, but I quickly got that mental picture out of my mind.

I couldn't believe what he was telling me! So, I scooped up Corley and his friends, Dudley and Daihbi and we were off like a dirty shirt. The three hung out in our basement apartment in Provo wreaking havoc, mooning passerbys, and hitting on anything female. I constantly had to remind them I was married. They were quite the partiers, until it was time to move to Star Valley--they had to be good for the in-laws! They were troopers though.

Now only the two sit together here in Portland, Oregon. They sure do miss Corley. He was their ring leader who would have never left his partying pals behind.